12 October 2008


I really can't wait til the op. I know its only weeks away now, but sometimes when you get that close, that's when it gets the most unbearable. Being at work will help cause that will occupy me and make the time go faster. Its the weekends I find the hardest.

I think I'm just starting to grasp the concept of how much my life will change and that I don't really know how it will change. My body will be less. It will be thin, fit and more compact. I will be able to wear whatever clothes I like. I will not have to be self-conscious anymore about what I wear or just about being out. My self-esteem is going to rise greatly I think.

What I haven't thought about is personal space. That's going to change. Will I want more personal space than I do now? What about sensing spacial relationships? I know I'm going to think I'm bigger than I am for a long time. Its going to be so awkward thinking I can't fit through places that I will be able to walk through. There's a whole headfuckedness to it all that I'm only going to discover once I'm there. But I still want to be there. I want to be there now.

I'm prepared. I am prepared psychologically for what's to come. Its just the damned waiting...

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